What causes a 'fear' of relationships, and how do you get beyond it and deal with it?

Every one of us, unconsciously, works out a personal philosophy of life, by which we are guided, inspired, and corrected, as time goes on. It is this philosophy by which we measure out our days, and by which we advertise to all about us the man, or woman, that we are. . . . It takes but a brief time to scent the life philosophy of anyone. It is defined in the conversation, in the look of the eye, and in the general mien of the person. It has no hiding place. It's like the perfume of the flower 鈥?unseen, but known almost instantly. It is the possession of the successful, and the happy. And it can be greatly embellished by the absorption of ideas and experiences of the useful of this earth.


George MatthewAdamsWhat causes a 'fear' of relationships, and how do you get beyond it and deal with it?
First, I think its important to make a distinction between one who fears relationships and one who lacks interests in relationships.





The former desires relationships but feels incapable of forming and maintaining them with positive results, so they become self-loathing and lonely. I think this type of person has seen that relationships are something worth having but, somewhere in their experienced, has gotten the impression that they lack the right stuff to make relationships work.





The latter simply doesn't desire relationships and so doesn't feel lonely without them. This type of person has proably seen mostly bad relationship models and so has gotten the impression that relationship are not worth having and lives life without pursuing or longing for them.What causes a 'fear' of relationships, and how do you get beyond it and deal with it?
Most of our fears center around getting hurt in some way. The best way to deal with it is to know yourself as completely as you can. Analyze what makes you tick. Decide the kinds of people who add to your life and who put you down or cause you misery. There is a lot of checking to do.





Next is to observe nature. Go outside and really observe all the little ways the many creations out there all work together. See how the ant exists crawling up a mighty oak. The oak does not swat the ant away and the ant does not try to chew its way inside. They accept each other for who they are.





Getting to the point where you are knowledgeable and strong about yourself and accepting of others for who they are is the best way to deal with any kind of relationship. Each interaction is as unique as the beings involved.





Blessings on your discoveries!
The fear is caused by the fear to loose one's self in the relationship. The cause for that is the growing EGO in people. Ego is the intention so receive pleasure for one's self and only for himself.


If you look at it more carefully you'll find out that this ego is the cause for every problem we have on this planet. This is because everybody think of nothing but themselves. Even those who are supposably doing things for the greater good - deep down inside they do it because they will gain more pleasure for themselves out of the action...





The ways to deal with this ';problem'; are twofold


One way is to suppress the ego - try meditations, Buddhism etc.. there is an infinite number of methods that will all tell you the same - the ego is the problem - 'become a plant' (reduce the ego level) and you'll live a peaceful life) - I have nothing against those methods, only, I've tried it but I wasn't able to keep it for long time. Why? Because the ego keeps growing and growing...


The other alternative is to ask (as in demand) the one who made this ego (I mean, it must have come from somewhere - right?) to change \ fix it and thus bring peace to the world...


This is the only way, because if we don't demand this change - the ego will grow and grow until we do...
You must go through the fear to the other side to find it is an illusion and that there exists only love, not fear. You can't do it analytically.





The illusion of fear we made up when we left God.





6 Steps to Fearlessness


1. Attack no one including yourself.


2. In silence and peace connect with the Intelligence of the Universe.


3. Forgive yourself, then you will be able to forgive others.


4. Give to others the gifts you are given, then you will be able to keep them.


5. Ask for more understanding when you have doubts or when life seems hard.


6. Let the purpose of your life unfold moment by moment by its own plan.
By changing from vague generalities to a specific problem.





It is difficult to solve a generic problem. A fear of heights is not a fear of heights, but a fear of falling and hurting one's self or worse. A fear of relationships is a fear of.....
fear of getting hurt or hurting someone. or fear of screwing up. some people set themselves up for failure because they believe that they will fail before the even start. which is sad.


some people think that they will feel trapt and loose their sense of self. stuff like that. there are many reasons. best you can do is talk to a professional.
some people are scared of not being good enough for someone else. just understand that we all have flaws. try to emphasize ur better traits. dont advertise the negative ones to urself or ur love.
the fear of being rejected...